Day 6's assignment is what not to say. Many people don't know what to say to someone who has lost a child. In not knowing what to say, some people say nothing, some people say some of the most hurtful horrible things that could ever come out of a person's mouth.
Honest responses to these statements, from a mother who has suffered a loss:
Everything happens for a reason. - There will NEVER be a logical reason EVER for me as to why my child was taken from me.
You have to move on. - How? How do you move forward when the future you had planned was shattered?
This is all part of God's plan. - Really? Those are the words you want to go with? You mean to tell me that God gave me my child just to rip her from my life? That God knew when he gave her to me that this was going to happen, and because he did, I should be okay with it? Nope, sorry. That's not how it works.
I know how you feel. - Even another mother who has suffered a loss doesn't know how I feel about it, so a person who hasn't suffered a loss should definitely never make that statement.
I can't imagine, oh my God, I'd die! - No, you wouldn't. You don't get to. You have to stay here and live life every day knowing that your child died, and there was nothing you could do to prevent it. You don't just spontaneously die just because your baby did.
You are so strong. - Yeah, so what? I'm not strong because I want to be. I didn't have a choice in the matter.
Focus on the child you do have. - Focusing on the child I do have, having a new baby, do not take away the pain of losing one. That pain doesn't just magically disappear. It is still there, it is still the same, sometimes worse, seeing this other child living, wondering how it would have been for your angel.
I'm sorry if that comes across as harsh. It's not meant to be. It's just honest.
It is hard to know what to say in times like this. I imagine there are many more well intended statements & actions that were hurtful. ((Hugs))
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